2.0

Thoughts After My Miscarriage

In November, we took a pregnancy test and found out that we were expecting baby 2.0 - we had decided to start trying in October and were overjoyed when I fell pregnant again right away. By December, I could tell something wasn't right. I had experienced some spotting and demanded my doctors office perform a blood test and ultrasound. The results came back from the blood test the morning before I had the ultrasound. My progesterone was extremely low (only 5) and I had to wait several hours to get the ultrasound done. I already knew what they were going to tell me though. It was at that point (on Dec 5, 2017) that Andy and I learned that our little 2.0 was an angel baby.

I never thought that I would be the 1/4 women who experience a miscarriage. I never thought that could happen to me. Sure, my pregnancy with Hudson wasn't easy by any means (horrible morning sickness, tired, gestational diabetes, gained sixty pounds even though I was on an extremely strict no carb, no sugar diet) - but never did I think that a pregnancy would just end.

I cried so hard the days before my blood test. I kept telling Andy that my symptoms were fading and that I knew I was losing the baby. He kept reassuring me to remain positive, like the strong husband figure should. He was my rock. I literally laid in the floor one night crying and he stood there patting my back and hugging me and just let me cry.

When they told me that I had the miscarriage, I didn't cry. I actually felt like it was closure. I already knew. I had cried so hard in the days leading up because I already knew and then them telling me just made me realize that I knew my body and that it was the end of our 2.0 journey until we see little 2.0 in heaven one day.

I am a firm believer that God has a plan for our family. I know there is a path made for us that we can't see - but that one day we will understand. Right now we are on a bumpy path in the road. Right now we have to just focus on getting through the holidays with the smiling happy people.

One of the hardest things for me is seeing pregnancy announcements all around me. I didn't realize how hard this would be. While I write congratulations on the post, I am so sad that it's not me that will get to hold another little squishy baby in my arms come next summer. I truly am happy for all of my friends who have become pregnant - and I want them to have happy, successful pregnancies - I am just (jealous?) that it's not me. I wish so badly I could be celebrating being pregnant together. I wish so badly my thoughts would flee my head and stop making a storm cloud over all of the happiness. 

I know that one day I will have my rainbow baby, if that is God's will. A rainbow baby is a baby that is born after a miscarriage. A rainbow after the storm. The doctor gave us the "go-ahead" to start trying for 2.1 - so we will start trying again soon. Praying that our 2.1 will be a successful pregnancy. Scared at the same time because our chances of miscarriage are still 25% (same with all pregnancies - women who have had and have not had a miscarriage.) 

I hold Hudson (19 months old right now) a little tighter when I hug him lately. I am more grateful for that rough pregnancy that I got to experience. I am grateful for his smiles and tears and laughter. For every little inch of his body. I can't begin to imagine what this miscarriage would have been like if I didn't have him to hold onto. 

I am sad.

I am scared.

I am jealous.

I am angry.

BUT...

I am hopeful.

I am blessed.

I am praying for 2.1

I don't want my friends and family to walk on egg shells around me. I don't want to continue to be asked if I am okay either though. I want to move forward. I want to (hopefully) become pregnant again soon. I am no longer feeling angry like I was the first few days after the miscarriage. I am still sad. I still have moments of jealousy - not of the "person" but of the fact that they are pregnant and that I am not. Hopefully, that will fade. Maybe it wont ever go away. Maybe getting pregnant again will fix that. I am scared. I am scared that this will happen to me again. I am scared that I wont be able to get pregnant again. I am scared of the unknown. I am hopeful though - because I trust that even if we are not able to conceive another baby - there are other options for us like adoption if it comes to that. I am blessed with an amazing husband and a precious little boy. I am praying for 2.1 - but more than even that - I am praying for God's will to be done for my family. 

<3 Hugs <3 

0-6 Month Baby Essentials

The past 7 months have been incredible. I realize I need to go back and update the blog -- but I will get to that soon. I found out one of my good friends from high school is expecting her first baby and I immediately wanted to sit down and make a list of baby essentials that I needed from 0-6 months. Hudson is actually 7 months old today!

Hopefully I can look back on it when we decide to have another baby and it will help me remember the things that I loved during the beginning!

So here it goes!

Clothing

• Tons of onesies - start off with 0-3 months, the newborn ones were barely used!
• 6 pairs of pajamas/sleepers in every size (3M, 6M, 9M to start) - zipper ones are the best!
• 3 baby gowns (I didn't really care for these as he got older but they were nice at first)
• 2-3 sweaters
• 1 jacket (don't purchase this until you need it because the size may be different than you think you will need!)
• 3 dressy outfits in each size that can be layered up or down
• 4 pairs of cotton pants (you can get them in packs of 2-4)
• 3 Carters "Take Me Away" Sets - example
• 4-7 socks or booties (shoes are unnecessary until baby walks) - Baby Gap is great
• 1 UV Blocking hat (summer baby) - example
• Don't bother getting the mittens - if you absolutely need to, use baby socks. The mittens fell off and I barely used them - had like 5000!
• Swimsuit for summer baby

Blankets/Swaddles/Burp Cloths

• Miracle Blanket (swaddle) - get 2 of these!
• Aden & Anais Swaddle blankets (4)
• Aden & Anais Sleep Sack - for nights when light blanket is needed
• Merlin Sleep Suit
• Baby DeeDee Sleep Nest Baby Sleeping Bag (duvet sleeping sack)
• 10 Gerber Pre-Fold Cloth Diapers --- these are the best burp cloths around!!
• 3 Aden & Anais Burp Cloth/Bib combo
• 10 Receiving blankets - these can be used for almost anything -- burp cloths, blankets, changing pads when you don't have anything else near you - whatever!
• 2 soft fleece blankets
• 1 Aden & Anais Dream Blanket

Nursery

• Bassinet for your room (highly recommend the Halo Bassinest!)
• Crib
• Crib Mattress
• Rocking chair - this one is amazing! - (purchased from Buy Buy Baby) 
• Baby monitor - we have the Levena Astra - I like it!
• Nightlight - this one is awesome!
• Dresser with changing table on top
• Toy basket/bins- we use the 3 Sprouts storage bins. They are awesome because currently I use 2 for toys, 1 for clothing he has outgrown and 1 for dirty laundry in his room!
• Laundry Basket
• Cute basket to keep all blankets in
• Hangers and clips to attach pants

Bedding

• 1 mattress pad
• 2 fitted crib sheets (I only need 2 because if one is dirty I put the other one on the bed and the dirty one goes into the laundry... but really he doesn't need sheets changed but every 2 weeks!)

Diapering

• Changing pad
• 3 changing pad covers
• 4 changing pad liners
• Diaper pail (I got the Baby Trend Diaper Champ Deluxe because I can use regular trash bags in it -- makes it very convenient! - love it.)
• Diaper Bag - I have 2 Jujube diaper bags in different sizes. I love these!
• Diaper cream - I recommend the Purple Destin
• For 0-1 month I used Water Wipes
• 1 month plus, I used pampers sensitive or Huggies One and Done
• 2 Large boxes of size 1 diapers - I started off liking Pampers Swaddlers, but now I prefer the Huggies Little Snugglers! 
• 1 small package of newborn diapers
• If cloth diapering -- 20 pocket diapers with inserts

Bath

• Baby soap - Johnsons & Johnsons
• Baby bathtub - AquaScale Digital Bathtub - love this one!
• Baby shampoo - Babyganics Shampoo and Bodywash
• Baby Conditioner - California Baby
• Baby Lotion - Lavender Johnsons & Johnsons
• 6 Baby Towels
• Baby hairbrush and comb
• Soft washcloths - get a million of these!
• Gentle laundry detergent - I used All Free and Clear for the first 5 months, then I started back on our regular Tide with Downy.
• Pack of bath toys for around 3+ months

Feeding (Assuming breastfeeding, because that's the only thing I have experience with!)

• Breast Pump - I use the Medela Pump-In-Style and also a manual Medela one
• Milk storage bags (Target brand are great!)
• Nursing pads (Evenflo were my favorites for disposable - but I preferred the reusable ones -- check out Bamboobies!)
• Nipple cream (Lansinoh brand was good)
• Nursing pillow (I used this for the first month, I had the boppy and the My Breast Friend - I liked them both for different reasons.)
• Sterilizer - we got this one 
• Bottle brush - I like the munchkin brand ones
• Dishwasher basket for small items
• Tons of bibs!
• 2-3 pacifiers (we liked Wubbanubs!)
• 4 bottles (We like Tommy Tippee and Dr. Browns)
• Baby Washcloths - more for once baby starts to eat solids, I use it to wipe his face.
• Lansinoh Soothies for if you have cracked nipples
• 4 Tommee Tippee Sippy Cups
• 2 Munchkin 360 cups
• Boon Lawn counter top drying system with accessories
• Baby Spoons
• Small divided plates
• EZPZ mini happy mat placemat
• (get a few sample cans of formula to have just in case you are not able to nurse)

Health and Safety

• Baby nail clippers (I really like the Nail Frida ones)
• Baby thermometer (get a rectal and a forehead thermometer)
• Petroleum jelly
• First aid kit
• Baby tylenol
• Coconut Oil
• Nose Frida
• Package of Windi's
• Mylicon Drops
• Grab one of the complete nursery kits
• Baby gel cool pack for after shots if baby's leg is sore
• Boogie Wipes
• Saline Mist
• Gripe Water
• Baby Gate
• Outlet covers
• Toilet bowl lock
• Cabinet Locks

Gear

• Infant car seat - we had the Britax B-Safe 35
• Stroller - We got the travel system so we had the Britax B-Agile
• Swing
• High chair
• Baby carrier - I have the Baby K'tan and the Ergo 360 - love them both!
• Fisher Price Sit-Me-Up seat - we used this so many times when we didn't have a high chair or were traveling! He also sat in it while I took a shower sometimes!
• Pack 'n Play - we love the graco one + 2 quilted sheets for pack 'n play
• Rock n Play
• Sound Machine

Toys

• Sophie the Giraffe
• Banana Teether
• V-tech Sit to Stand Walker
• Baby Einstein Activity Table
• Jumperoo
• Teething keys
• Activity Playmat
• Lots of links
• Oball
• Secure-A-Toy straps
• Sassy Exploration Station
• Bouncer
• Doorway Jumper

Miscellaneous

• Dapple Toy and Highchair Cleaner
• Mustela No Rinse Cleansing Water
• Get lots of board books and soft books

Mama needs for after baby! - often overlooked but important

• Depends - easier than the hospital cloth panties
• Colace
• Water bottle
• Nursing Tanks
• Nursing Bra (easier to get this when baby is about 1.5-2 months old
• Comfy PJ's that button up the front and slippers/comfy socks (things you can wear for when people stop by and you don't want to change)
• Snacks you can eat with one hand
• Always Infinity Pads - Heavy or Overnight flow (for when bleeding slows down from needing Depends)
• Frozen food prepared in advance
• some granny panties for after hospital
• Comfy robe
• Blanket from home for at the hospital and a pillow with a colorful pillowcase

Hudson's Woodland Themed Nursery

Hudson's Woodland Themed Nursery

Our sweet baby boy finally has a nursery set up! My mom and Grana helped me SO much to get everything ready and perfect for baby Hudson. I was really overwhelmed after the baby shower because there was a ton of stuff and our furniture hadn't come in yet... so it was just all over the place. (WE ARE SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF THE STUFF!!!)

When our furniture finally came in ... we were able to start the nursery and get everything organized. It looks better than I could ever imagine.

Our tree bookshelf - HUGE THANKS to my mom and Steve! (Honey and Pop!!) - To see how we made it, check out this blog post!

Our AMAZINGLY comfy glider! - Thanks to Wanda and Steve! (Grams and Poppy!!)

Thanks so much to all of the hostesses for our changing dresser! We're so grateful and it looks amazing in our nursery! We love that we were able to incorporate so much of the stuff from the shower into the room, like the banners and the wall decals.

The books that everyone got us are so sweet. We loved reading each of the messages and can't wait to read to sweet baby Hudson.

Our baby's closet is JAM PACKED! Our awesome Small Group at North Highlands Baptist Church held a shower for us and loaded us up with diapers. We filled up the whole top of our closet. We're so grateful! We also got TONS of clothing from everyone! Little man will be stylish and will probably only get to wear each outfit once because he has so many! Great problem to have!!

We have so many stuffed animals for sweet baby Hudson. A lot of them were given to us by my mom after the baby shower because she used them as decorations. Others were gifts. One really special one is the monkey that is in the crib that our nephew Reid made for baby Hudson at Build-A-Bear. The little monkey is wearing an Alabama jersey. So sweet!

Bump Updates: Weeks 22-34

Alright, so I dropped the ball on doing the bump updates. My bad!!! We had so much going on with renovations to the house, trying to get everything set up for little Hudson's nursery and dealing with pregnancy. But, I decided I would do an overall update to catch everyone up.

Pregnancy overall for me has been pretty difficult. I have had my fair share of ups and downs, so I am really looking forward to the end. We had a scare around 34 weeks and ended up being sent to labor and delivery to be monitored... but everything is okay and the doctor told me I just need to take it easy. I was having sporadic contractions - and a few other weird things going on... but anyways, they were able to confirm that baby was doing fine after many hours of monitoring and an ultrasound. Unfortunately, we found out he is still breech. He has been breech for almost the entire pregnancy. So, we are praying that he will flip by next Monday at our 36 week appointment. I'm really nervous that I may end up with a c-section, but I will do whatever is best for my little man.

We finally finished our nursery!!! I'll post about it in a separate blog post, so make sure to check it out!

The last few months have been full of fun stuff... here are some pictures to catch up! My last blog post was January 2016... so I figured it would be best to put the highlights from each month since then...

February 2016

Bump Photos

 

23 Weeks: We started building an additional closet in our house, so that we could turn my "dressing room" into Hudson's nursery and I would still have a place to sit and get ready and have all my stuff. We ended up putting mirror doors on the outside and we LOVE the way that it turned out. Two of my uncles, Jerry and Larry, along with Andy worked really hard to make the closet perfect for me. I'm so grateful for all of their help! 

24 Weeks

 

25 Weeks: These photos are from Valentine's Day. Andy and I went out to celebrate at the Melting Pot in Birmingham. We had so much fun. Andy surprised me with roses on our table and chocolate covered strawberries, (one of my favorite desserts!). I love spending time with my amazing husband and celebrating our love. This was our first Valentine's Day as a MARRIED couple! <3 (and our last without needing to find a babysitter!!) 

27 weeks: We were about to paint the nursery a light mint color (called sliced cucumber) so I wanted to take a picture in front of my bright yellow walls!!!) I had my dressing room painted this color so that when I went in it to get ready it would be bright light the sunshine. I truly loved it - but I have to say, I'm loving my baby's room much more!

March 2016

Bump Photos

28 Weeks: Got the nursery painted!! 

30 Weeks: set up our crib! - Still waiting on the rest of our furniture to come in though,

31 Weeks: Our baby shower was on this day!! (see below!)

Baby Shower 3/26/16

Our baby shower for sweet baby boy was SO awesome. We are so grateful for all of the gifts that we received from our family and friends. My mom did such a wonderful job at decorating her home and making everything woodland themed - just like Hudson's nursery. We were actually able to incorporate a lot of the stuff from the shower into his nursery after!

April 2016

Bump Photos

32 Weeks - had to take a picture in front of my favorite type of tree in the spring - Wisteria trees! I always just called them "purple trees!" -- Starting to really feel this bump and getting more tired.

33 Weeks - our azalea bushes were blooming, so we wanted to capture a picture while they looked so pretty. They make the perfect backdrop for that big bump!

34 Weeks - We finally have our sweet baby boy's nursery set up! I was waiting to reveal it because we (my step-dad, mom, Andy, Grana and I) were building the tree bookshelf! What a fun project that was!! The tree was a gift from my mom and my step-dad. They worked SO hard on it for 4 days. My stepdad took his whole vacation to work on it and make it perfect for us. Andy and I are so grateful!!! (Andy, Grana and I helped however/whenever we could!!)

I'll try and keep everyone updated as we go forward! Make sure to check out the next blog post to see what Hudson's nursery looks like! 

Building Hudson's Tree Bookshelf

Building the Tree Bookshelf

My awesome step-dad Steve took his whole vacation to help us build an amazing tree bookshelf for our little man's nursery. Andy helped to cut out one of trees from the wood, nail it together and sand it all down. I helped to trace them out, sand and stain and my mom and Steve worked on the tree all day for 4 days - tracing, cutting, sanding, staining -- doing it all!! My sweet Grana even came over to help sand and stain the tree. I'm so grateful for everyone helping out and making my dream become a reality. 

We started off by printing off the template found on: this website. 

We needed the tree to be 4x6 to fit on the plywood that we had... but for some reason when we followed their template, it came out much bigger. So, we rearranged it a bit, changed up a few little parts and customized it to make the template perfect for us. Our final template was traced onto some thick foam board so we could trace it onto 4 additional sheets of 4x6 plywood.

After we traced it onto the plywood, Steve (and Andy!) spent several days cutting the trees out of the plywood to make sure they matched perfectly.

After all of the plywood was cut out, the 4 pieces were glued together using liquid nails and then nailed together with a finishing gun. We then filled in any of the nail holes with wood putty and then sanded the entire tree so it was smooth on the top and the edges.

After all of the sanding was done, Mom, Grana and I were able to stain it a dark expresso color to match the wood on the glider that we have in Hudson's nursery.

The tree bookshelf turned out even better than I imagined!! 

My New Hobby!

For Christmas, Andy got me the Brother SE400 Sewing & Embroidery Machine. I am absolutely in love with it. In the past few weeks, I have learned to sew and embroider (beginner level still though!!)

I have had to watch a ton of youtube videos and ask friends and family for advice... but I am confident that I will get the hang of it! There is a lot of things to pick up on as a beginner!!

Below are a few of the things I have made so far. I have also made some cute baby blankets!!

Some burp cloths for Hudson

Bump Update: Week 21

How Far Along:: 21 Weeks

Size of Baby:: Pomegranate

Gender:: It's a boy!

Stretch Marks:: None yet!
 
Sleep:: Not going so well lately. I wake up tossing a turning a lot throughout the night and can't seem to find a comfortable position. This belly is starting to get in the way! It's all worth it though for my little man!

Cravings:: Chocolate, King Cake, Green Apples, Bananas, Sweet Potatoes, Pad Thai?? hehe

Symptoms:: Belly growing, 

Belly Button In or Out:: In

Movement:: Hudson likes to kick me a lot when I take a nightly bath to help my back and right before bed!! I saw it from the outside the other night, but Andy still hasn't felt it yet!

Looking Forward To:: Renovating our house so I can finally start on the nursery!

Best Moment This Week:: Evie James Richardson was born!!! (BTW, this is my best friends baby girl and she is ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS!) She is my future daughter in law. I was so excited when I got to meet her. She was born on January 11 (the night Alabana won the National Championship!) -- 8 lb 6 oz and 21.5 inches long. Truly beautiful little girl. So happy for my friends Robert and Christy.

Other news: Some of my family members came over to take measurements and help us figure out what all supplies we need to renovate. We're turning one of our rooms in to a walk in closet and moving my dressing room to the closet and making Hudson's nursery where the dressing room used to be. Unfortunately, it involves moving a vent, electricity work, making french doors into one single exterior door, redoing the outside part of the house and all kinds of other stuff I don't exactly understand! Andy has promised me that it would be started (and hopefully close to finished!) by the time I am in my 3rd trimester! (only 5 weeks away!!)